If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
