she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
