so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
