Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
