Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
