I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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