Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
