You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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