Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
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i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
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Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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