bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
