She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
