im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
