It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Who died my cat blue again?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
