he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
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What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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