Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
