Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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