I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
