CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
