Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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