dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
