Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
