o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
