you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
