I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
