just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
