I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
