he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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