i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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