If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
