her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
