How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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