Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
a search helicopter?!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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