I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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