I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
