yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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