Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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