this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
