fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
