its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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