He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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