I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
