But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
