O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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