im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize