I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
