In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
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I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
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How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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