Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
