He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
