im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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