Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
