Tell her she can't have a vagina
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
