i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
