i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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