I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
