We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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