I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
