I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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