Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
