Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
