Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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