I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
