1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
