does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
