Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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