Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize