i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
