I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
