May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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