i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
