do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
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Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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