Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
