I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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