I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
