JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
tequila makes me forget i have legs
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Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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