his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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