i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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