You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I supernannyed him into submission
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
