ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
