I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
