i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
