can u get pink eye on your cock?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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