i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
