I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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