remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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