Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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